Its only a matter of time when we all grow OLD and become KIDS again. Until then, there is this whole attempt to grow mature and behave mature and if at all this tinge of maturity doesn't show up in us..a whole lot of pretense. I don't know about the rest of the world, but I used to pretend (failed attempts) to be mature. There was this obscure look that I would wear on my face, especially the eyes. It lies in the eyes! I used to squint my eyes, curl my eyebrows and give the focussed look! Wonder how much of an impact it made. Whatever it was that the person taking a glimpse at me felt, I sure did feel uncomfortable - a little dizzy,with that squeezing pain in between my brows. Being a sinusitis patient, you can't really apply much focus on anything for too long. It hurts (or I used to say so. It helps a lot..and you know when to use that statement..).
Back to the point,all that pain..It struck me some couple of months later that people really did not see me (or treat me) any different. I was still called the brat.The kid..So I quit those attempts and just started being myself. I didnt stop the mad gestures - eye rolling, eye popping, sudden noises, hums, etc..that came on naturally and weren't too feminine or graceful. I let them flow....until I got glaring looks or from neighbours indicating that it caused extreme discomfort or distractions.
I got to Kuwait and I realised that there need be no more attempts whatsoever to alter any so-called immature behavior or mannerisms. It was no doubt an inherited trait. One late evening, I was relishing my dinner and being a disinterested audience to the TV show "IDEA-Star Singer". I was forced to watch the show as it apparently was a must-watch among the two 58-year olds. No sooner than the show started, there was this raging conflict about who the judge was. They wouldn't come to an agreement. And like it was not enough that they had one issue to settle, there was another thread of argument - "Even otherwise, you don't trust what I say". Well? Yes, I wondered if we could apply such invaluable dialogues to more serious contexts. I sighed and continued munching, making sure I did not support either, because that could cost me my sleep for the rest of the night, being accused for supporting one and rejecting the other. Not a great move, I thought. But someone's got to rise up to the situation before another thread is added to this endless loop of arguments. Flared like a mother of 2 kids and commanded at my loudest voice that I needed pin-drop silence or else....Amazing how the voice of 'relative' maturity can command obedience. Success was in my hand. I did not need distorted expressions this time. Mom retreated to her sofa and Dad chose the other end of the room. As we resumed the TV show, I thought to myself -
I couldn't possibly violate. I have sworn with much difficulty to retain this shade of immaturity in me. It's a gift that my line of descendants couldn't possibly afford to miss!
** leaving this incomplete as another thread of tiff starts in the background.Deadlocks...I've heard of them. But, this is the best way to never forget what they mean.
Back to the point,all that pain..It struck me some couple of months later that people really did not see me (or treat me) any different. I was still called the brat.The kid..So I quit those attempts and just started being myself. I didnt stop the mad gestures - eye rolling, eye popping, sudden noises, hums, etc..that came on naturally and weren't too feminine or graceful. I let them flow....until I got glaring looks or from neighbours indicating that it caused extreme discomfort or distractions.
I got to Kuwait and I realised that there need be no more attempts whatsoever to alter any so-called immature behavior or mannerisms. It was no doubt an inherited trait. One late evening, I was relishing my dinner and being a disinterested audience to the TV show "IDEA-Star Singer". I was forced to watch the show as it apparently was a must-watch among the two 58-year olds. No sooner than the show started, there was this raging conflict about who the judge was. They wouldn't come to an agreement. And like it was not enough that they had one issue to settle, there was another thread of argument - "Even otherwise, you don't trust what I say". Well? Yes, I wondered if we could apply such invaluable dialogues to more serious contexts. I sighed and continued munching, making sure I did not support either, because that could cost me my sleep for the rest of the night, being accused for supporting one and rejecting the other. Not a great move, I thought. But someone's got to rise up to the situation before another thread is added to this endless loop of arguments. Flared like a mother of 2 kids and commanded at my loudest voice that I needed pin-drop silence or else....Amazing how the voice of 'relative' maturity can command obedience. Success was in my hand. I did not need distorted expressions this time. Mom retreated to her sofa and Dad chose the other end of the room. As we resumed the TV show, I thought to myself -
I couldn't possibly violate. I have sworn with much difficulty to retain this shade of immaturity in me. It's a gift that my line of descendants couldn't possibly afford to miss!
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